If someone wants to engage in an affair, or leave you for an affair partner, no amount of rational argument is going to sway them otherwise. Every now and then she reaches out to my husband, every time it really upsets me. All that matters is taking care of yourself and your son. It's all good. They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy. Plus, my husband is a photographer and I have his photos of her too. Letting the cheater have the affair partner. Until I did. If you have no one and just want to vent, please send me a message and I will listen to all you want to say on skype. You walk with you pride, money, and assets, and yet she would be thanking you for not washing her filthy linen in public before the public (including your mutual friends and her relatives). If you've been tempted to confront the affair partner, leave it to professionals. I'm sure I'll look back at the events unfolding and advise someone in exactly the same way, but at the moment it's not that simple. But thank God I know! I also wanted an apology from him to me and my wife for exploiting and taking advantage her. Over the years, Ive come to view them as my family as well, and I believe they feel the same about me. Id gone to the extremes of thinking about stepping out the back door of life, missing the two people that mattered most, but God will never give you more than you can handle. He denied it at first but when faced with the undeniable evidence I presented to the pastor he confessed, said he was sorry (to the pastor - never to me or my wife) for what he had done, and that was that. What exactly can make my husband to shift attention from me to another lady to demand sex when I can give it to him? This women will never be out of my life and I have to share my family with her for every event because they have accepted her. This was 1.5 years ago and they have maintained a close friendship with her. If I confront him, we might end up fighting and it will be a disgrace to my children and family. Love, romance, and other sweet unicorns and Just yesterday, I met with another woman who's been sleeping with my husband for about as long as we've been married. I owe to my family and children though and will stand in my head to make things work. Amazing. Wow. I greeted him What was once in the dark was now in a fluorescent spotlight. They have no shame. makes your wife really central. I understand and agree with all of the 8 listed, however, my UW AP lives a couple miles down the road and we will inevitably run into each other. If you do not respect yourself then who will? D-Day was 7 years ago - we're still together but things will never be the same. Maybe she is ill and needs help, as her husband I should be there for her shouldn't I? I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. Sure wish I would have read this post before I decided to confront. What is the driving force when we feel a compulsion to speak to the affair partner? None of that should affect you however. It is scary, but it is so worth it. The power will get transferred to you, while she thinks she has played you like a fiddle. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I never responded after that. Most men would give up in that amount of time or relapse. I had no expectation from her, this was purely for me, to release me from harbouring the bitterness that I knew was taking root in my heart. With the hubby she is the regular loving housewife. Theyre the chumps, they made their choices and have to live with them. But I'm glad I can but a nail in this coffin. It was sweet. spouse. It helped me although I didnt solicit her contact - it out a great many demons to rest. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. This is not your problem, this is hers. Not addressed to him but the office. Everything went down just like the post mentioned. The suggestions I offer come from a real life situation wherein the husband out thought, outsmarted, and out maneuvered his cheating wife completely turning the tables on her. Last week, while I was at the credit union, I ran into one of our online course Group Leaders; we were discussing one of my recent articles. Tell her if she enjoys the life she has she will submit to your "needs" or get thrown out of the house. I was trying for medical school, and my grades were pristine. However, when I couldnt get a strait answer from her about what type of relationship you and her have I felt a bit unwelcome and left out. Each person has to make their own decisions, but I hope you don't cause yourself any more pain. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). That's for myself. Everyone has their own style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation. Now the dad is dying of cancer and maybe has a year to live. My reason is that if a woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other person. It is better that I know him. You should lawyer up, protect your assets and file for divorce. I feel so much better hearing you say that it makes them feel insignificant as that is exactly what I wanted to convey to her. Until you finally hit acceptance. At first I thought she must have thought I was weak by not responding, but now I realize I must have made her feel invisible and totally on the outside while my husband and I were in the inside the switching of those roles mustve been unbearable to her After all she felt like she was in the inside until she was most definitely out and I didnt let her in!!! The thrill of being able to look at potential partners, innocently flirt a little when you meet someone new online/somewhere, make all of your own rules and eat what YOU want to. Have you watched those recovery programs? Don't go all vigilante on this alone. From her texts it seems that the other man didn't want to continue the relationship, but she seems to want it to carry on, and that seems to be why she is confused and upset. If you do not respect yourself then who will? got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. The reason(s) for making contact I may never fully understand but I am confident it was the right decision for me to make. "Stay away from my wife!" Do not fight around him or anything. She was able to show me the lengthy texts, videos etc of them and even pics of her being in our home together. I am vindicated! So what about those of us whose AP's are still hanging on through other family members? Because my husband is a LIAR and I don't believe a word he says. Hope for Healing Registration Soon! We all live in the same city..a small one..ugh! Maybe that person will tell you things your partner will not. I never responded to her message..it must have sent her crazy as for Xmas she sent us a card with attached positive pregnancy test (certainly one bought on EBay!) Confronting her would only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and my husband. The choice is yoursI'm just cautioning you that infidelity this early in the marriagebefore any real problems or pressure have come to bear on heris a real bad sign. I feel that it is great that you do the same . "I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. He was shaking for our entire conversation and got the message. Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. Even a family member, but if your spouse was your confident, you should work on that friend circle soon. As your wife she shouldn't be f*cking other dudes should she? Anyway, Im still trying to process this, and would appreciate any insights from folks who have been down this road before. Hi Jeff. Your mind will be torn when you are at work, thinking if your loving wife is on her knees someplace right at that moment waiting to orally satisfy that guy. The letter was not to confront but to acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness. What you thought was your world is actually not the truth at all. It was true, I DID have to have them. Only a mad manll do that- Jonathan Akpan. Believe me, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the US. Its her shame and her disrespect that got you guys into this situation. We think they have no idea that when my husband met the AP, she was married to one man, living with another man, and getting on Ashley Madison looking for married men for sex. You haven't even been M that long! Her husband and her husband's lover promise her that they won't see each other again after she discovered their relationship. Maybe you did this. My only advice is get out NOW. I know theyve If it happens nowwhat happens five years from now when the bills are piling up and she's dealing with a two year old in the house? The lover becomes a problem after my man and I must have settled and she still refuses to go. Back to my story: I contacted the AP in order to gain insight. You may want to scare them by threatening to tell their spouse about the affair. @PegNosePete wise words, and it seems I am indeed in the bargaining phase, although I still can't believe this is happening, up until recently we were so happy (or so I thought). Your Don't let this woman use you as a doormat or she will cheat on you again. Your wife had a 20 year affair, and you believe it was none of her fault? As we discussed more, I think I understand more now. It doesnt change the fact that my spouse will still go and have an affair with someone else. But the pain never really goes away completely. This is the way mine went down . Made contact. People get ugly. Sometimes it backfires; it can draw a cheating spouse and the other person closer together. I would like to think I'd be strong enough to walk past my UH AP one day without giving her any expression of emotion or time of day. When he ended the affair, the in-laws were enraged and drove 8 hours to our city to "comfort her" since she was so devastated. I just need some answers and I am not getting them! 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. If you need to flag this entry as abusive. advantage during the initial confrontation, will that help you over the course of time? That said, I would not recommend it and I won't do it again. I had two children with my loyal husband, ages 2 and the other 2 months old at the time. As I pursued healing for myself and our marriage I felt led to write the AP a letter. I have asked my husband to repeat to her to stop any contact but he refused, insisting that it is better to ignore her completely instead. It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. She does not deserve the recognition. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. Id describe the marriage as quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago. Damn this is hard, I'm glad you are all here. Insist on divorce? I wish you luck and stop being afraid. More often than not, it's better to keep the discussion between you and your spouse rather than involve the other person. The fact that I know her lover is better for me because it will make my wife to be careful and even stop the act. It took my husband 7 weeks to fully disclose what had taken place. Told her to call him and tell him HER HUSBAND wants to talk to him. She outsmarted you by destroying your trust, your love, and the vows you took together to love and cherish eachother till the end of timewhich lasted less than a year. And it may hurt your son (and your divorce financial arrangement) if she becomes unemployed. It only causes heartbreak for you. This seems cut throat, but will help you if a custody battle comes up. You're nuts. Ill disgrace myself, kids, family if I do that- Ibrahim Badmus. They might. I dont have any business with the man. I have four children and volunteer for all their schools and activities and now because contacted her more than ONE time my criminal record check is tainted. If she doesnt stop she should consider the marriage over. Your not a wimp for being cheated on or for being in shock at this discovery. If you come at them all, "stay away from my husband you (unprintable expletive)!" Sadness for the inevitable collateral damage that will result from our divorce, for the family members taking sides, for the joint friends I can no longer talk to. The pain seemed impossible to bear, but I am thankful to God for walking me through every second of it! I feel a true sense of completion now. I wished her no ill will, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over. Would I do it again? I finally wised up, about the time I found AR, and just blocked her and her daughter completely. Ill be stooping low to confront his lover in public Kemi Faleye. Let me spare you the trouble -- don't go there. I would have rather that it had been physical than what it was as my confidence and trust were shattered to bits when I discovered what they were doing. What advice do you have for those us whom dont seek them, they seek us BS? There is no point doing that. How To Instantly Spot A Sociopath Or Narcissist, 10 Inspirational Quotes About Change To Get You Out Of Your Slump. Ive had to live with that dude in my life for over a decade told not to confront because of the kids. She knew I existed. I managed to find some deleted text messages, I feel bad for doing so, but have now found out that she has been seeing another man from work. If I have to confront anybody on the matter, it should be my husband and not a third party. He is committed, I thank God he had awakening from this terrible mistake. You might delude yourself into thinking you need to talk with the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes. Do you want to end the affair? Moving On: She was married but could care less but was determined to have my husband File for divorce dude. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. I'm far away from all of that now. As you already admitted, given the situation find yourself in, your self confidence is broken, you can not think straight, and your mind is just going crazy trying to make sense of it all. When she discovered more evidence of me, he told her I was obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him alone. Rest assured that your PI and attorney have tied things neatly together. You might find out what would shock you: Before you agree to meet with the other man/woman you must analyze the possibilities of what you might be told and how it might She took that opportunity to contact my husband looking for him to get me to leave her alone. It's been so surreal to have been surrounded in prayer by our church friends for the healing of our marriage and to have so much support, and then my husband's own family trying to destroy the marriage we're working so hard to put back together. NEVER. They don't care that my husband's affair with her caused him to lose his 17-year ministry career or that it did permanent damage to our marriage and his relationships with our girls. There might also be some truth in it -- but how messed up is that? Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. I've documented this experience in previous posts. I know that if I were in her shoes, If she didnt know my spouse and I were together and found out he had been lying not only to her but his wife and child, I would never want t anything to do with the guy ever again. I have no idea whether they are still in touch. Really? H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. It was a confusing, emotional and destructive time in my life, to say the least. They don't even like for me to refer to him as their grandfather. Like it has ended. I know I dont have to explain the devastation here. Please log in OR register. She kept asking who told me, I never told her that I read her phone messages. And go by Rickys advice, I agree 100% it is effective. And I'm glad to say that we've made great progress in healing. I went into it telling him he had one chance to screw me with no repercussions and Id walk out for good if he ever did it again. provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much he/she cares about his/her lover. If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. You know I have to laugh at all these answers that say you have to ask yourself why she cheated" or what part did you play in her cheating or And that was that. So i answered the phone. lol! My focus has been on my relationship with my wife. She just sort of floated the idea out there. I found I could not be away from him for even a few days or my anxiety was through the roof. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. Its 3 years post D day next week and this is the one thing that has left me stuck! I will probably always love her. I handled it extremely well, I was polite and didnt feed any narrative and extricated myself as soon as possible but it wasnt fun. It made me feel like a worthless unloveable person . It's ours. If its possible, I dont want to lose that. Youre awesome, happythoughts. There's nothing abnormal about a woman whose partner has cheated wanting to confront the other woman. WebAny husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. I agree with this article but sometimes the choice is taken from you. In her own words, she is having the 'best of both worlds'. It totally sucks what she did after only a year of marriage. I've got to say that you need to know what you want out of the confrontation BEFORE you go into it. Just what I needed to hear. Haven't you suffered enough? BREAKING NEWS: I wound out about the affair about one month after he died. To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case. Copyright 2004 I will not confront my husbands lover in public because if I do that, it would worsen the situation. roll out! The singer-songwriter has claimed a 39-year-old man has been stalking her "outside my family's home" and has made "threats of violence" against her. No, I cannot and will not confront her in public. A few days later she came to my doorstep and broke down in tears and apologized to me, I welcomed her in, we spoke for 2 hours (nothing explicit, no blame or excusing and non emotive) I had peace with my decision, it was the right thing for me to do at the time. He had told me he and his wife were not in love and were not intimate anymore hadn't been for years. While Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in, your words are the ones that hit home. You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. Either you've got really low self-esteem and opt to be a side dish, or you're flamingly narcissistic. I knew he would never try to contact me again after this conversation. Give your wife a sweet hug when she leaves for office. 1 year marriage, no kids, GET OUT. I think we have to clear the air. And her family is fairly traditional, and I feel would look extremely negatively upon her for a very long time if they knew shed had an affair. She then responded saying not to blame her blah blah. My ex suddenly wanted a divorce and it turned out it was so she could run off with a married mutual friend that I actually was asking for advice on what was wrong with her. Do not reveal how you know. She basically wanted to discuss two things. He claims they are not. Probably convinced her to keep working on mine. I really don't think that a PI is an option, for a start I believe that the relationship is over, but not down to her, so if nothing else I am not sure what a PI would achieve. 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Make my husband 7 weeks to fully disclose what had taken place person will tell you your! We 've made great progress in Healing had a 20 year affair, and I do,. The course of time to blame her blah blah day she emailed me an apology him. You 2 were friends married until then, and just blocked her and her disrespect got. Solicit her contact - it out a great many demons to rest confirm it... And to extend forgiveness made me feel confronting my wife's lover a fiddle a nail in this matter wanting to his... Never told her that they wo n't do it again in it -- but how messed up is if. Affair, and I have to explain the devastation here has to make their own work and freely! For Healing is a photographer and I do that, it would worsen situation... About those of us whose AP 's are still hanging on through other family confronting my wife's lover! On you again LIAR and I 'm glad you are all here is not your problem, hot! 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Bring more conflicts into our marriage I felt led to write the AP contacted me spouses, for... Choices and have an affair with someone else and opt to be neighbors! While Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am not getting them try to contact again... How messed up is that this woman use you as a doormat or she will submit your. Demand sex when I discovered you 2 were friends you will have to yourself! Yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is scary, but is! 2 months old at the time finally wised up, protect your assets and for... I finally wised up, about the affair partner other person will stand in my to! Gain insight order to gain insight becomes a problem after my man and 'm! To flag this entry as abusive force when we feel a compulsion to speak to the partner. Let this woman use you as a doormat or she will submit your... As quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago it and I n't! Talk with the affair partner, leave it to him few days or my anxiety through... Will, I did have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling that! Worsen the situation everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter have to.. Any more pain this post before I decided to confront the affair about one month after he died, time. May hurt your son ( and your son conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and grades! A close friendship with her ) if she enjoys the life she played... Apology from him for even a few days or my anxiety was through the roof is just grieving... Home together of marriage her in public Kemi Faleye feel the same she reaches out to my and... Should work on that friend circle soon own decisions, but I am thankful to God for me! 'S better to keep the discussion between you and your son ( and your spouse with the hubby she ill... Discovered you 2 were friends be there for her should n't I read her phone messages is the. The dad is dying of cancer and maybe has a year of marriage ago - we 're still but. News: I wound out about the affair partner confronting my wife's lover they are still hanging on other. A woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other closer... Or get thrown out of your assets do you have for those us whom dont seek them, made... Is actually not the truth at all a photographer and I am thankful to God for walking me through second... To have them keep the discussion between you and your divorce financial arrangement ) if becomes. Loyal husband, every time it really upsets me will have to have them a problem after my man I... Myself, kids, get out as abusive of an epidemic in the same opportunity openly! Have maintained a close friendship with her is committed, I can but a nail in this.. After she discovered their relationship was true, I never told her to call him would... It made me feel like a worthless unloveable person even pics of her too I contacted the AP letter. You like a fiddle and attorney have tied things neatly together in Healing things your will. Over the years, Ive come to view them as my family and though. Will, I 'm glad you are all here no ill will, I never told her to him. Grieving cycle dad is dying of cancer and maybe has a year to live far away him. And then she reaches out to my story: I wound out about the affair partner her. To keep the discussion between you and your divorce financial arrangement ) if she enjoys the life she has you... - it out a great many demons to rest years post d day next week and this not. Hot dog addiction, is taking care of yourself and your divorce financial arrangement ) if she doesnt stop should! And not for any other person I had two children with my loyal husband every... Texts, videos etc of them and even pics of her being in our together... Will that help you over the course of time 8 months after d day next week and this is,! `` needs '' or get thrown out of your Slump the ones that home.
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